Loneliness was the Last Thing I Expected (Real Moms Talk Guest Post)

We are so fortunate to have two incredible guest posts this month for our Real Moms Talk series. If you missed Rachel’s post, make sure you check it out! Today, we are going to hear from Mrs. Z from The Mrs. Z Files on the topic of loneliness which fits right in with the conversation we’ve been having on relationships.

I can totally relate to not being fully prepared for the loneliness that can come along with motherhood, especially in those first few weeks. I hope you enjoy reading Mrs. Z’s story. This is such an important topic, so please share with someone that might need to hear it. Also, don’t forget to join the conversation in the comments!

Loneliness was the Last Thing I Expected - Real Moms Talk Guest Post

When you find out you are pregnant there are a million emotions that you need to figure out. Excitement is obviously at the forefront. Fear and doubt are mixed in as well. As your due date approaches, fear and doubt seem to take the lead. It is completely understandable. This is new territory you are approaching and your life will never be the same.

My first pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I did have gestational diabetes but I was able to control it through diet. I exercised. I ate well. I worked. I went out. Life was the same as usual, besides the growing belly and the mountain of baby items growing in the would-be baby’s nursery.

I read plenty of books on bringing the baby home, how to care for the baby, how to breastfeed ( I look back and laugh at that last one now. If you’d like to read my journey of breastfeeding, read this). I felt 100% ready for this new part of my life. I told my boss that I would not be returning after my three months. I was choosing to be a stay at home mom for awhile. I wanted to do this for my baby. Life was great.

I remember the day I started having contractions. I remember all of the emotions hit me at once. Happiness. Excitement. Nervous. Scared. My son was born via C-section 15 hours after I started feeling contractions. His heart rate kept dropping every time I contracted. Finally, my little guy was here.

The time in the hospital was a whirlwind. You know how it is. Nurses, doctors, people delivering your food, visitors are constantly coming in and out. I was attempting breastfeeding. Those four days flew by. Then, before we knew it, we left the hospital as a family of three. Those first few weeks are definitely a blur now. But one thing I was not prepared for was this feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness was the last thing I expected.

I was never truly alone. I had my little baby boy with me. My mom or my mother in law were there to help if I asked. People came to visit. However, I had gone from being on 100% overdrive to jamming on the brakes with my life. When I was working, I put my everything into it. From the time I woke up until the time I went to bed I was constantly thinking of new lessons to do with my students. I was planning reading units. When I wasn’t working, I was used to just picking up and leaving if I had to go somewhere. I didn’t have to plan. I just did. After my oldest was born, I felt like I was stuck in this one place and I couldn’t move my feet.

The beginning of motherhood can be very lonely. Especially when it is your first child. Everything is new. You need to figure this all out on your own (and, hopefully, with a little help from your partner and family). I craved conversations with adults. I missed just walking around Barnes and Noble and not having a care in the world. I actually loved having to bring my oldest to the pediatrician for his newborn visits just so I could talk to somebody. I felt so guilty about feeling lonely that I was totally lost in my thoughts about feeling lonely. I put my everything into taking care of my little guy but a piece of me was still missing.

One thing I remember were the walks my son and I would go on. As long as the weather was warm enough to take a newborn out in, we walked. We would walk for hours. I walked until I knew it was his next feeding time. Sometimes we would never talk to anyone. But it was being outside and seeing a glimpse of my “old” self that slowly made me feel better again.

If I could give new mommas some advice, it would be this: reach out to other mommas! A few weeks after my son was born, two former coworkers reached out to me via email to see how everything was going. We started having playdates here and there. And those little windows of opportunity to have adult conversation meant the world to me. It made me feel like myself. Believe it or not, the email chain we started when my oldest was born still exists. Between the three of us there are now seven kids. And those few moments of adult conversation during those emails means the world to me. Trust me, the loneliness goes away. Know that you are not alone momma! You can do this :).

Meet the Author: blackWhite

Mrs. Z is a stay at home mommy to two wonderful boys and wife to an amazing husband. Spending time with her family, writing, and enjoying life are some of Mrs. Z’s favorite pastimes. You can check her out here. You can also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.

Did you experience loneliness when you became a mother?

12 thoughts on “Loneliness was the Last Thing I Expected (Real Moms Talk Guest Post)

  1. Eva M. March 25, 2016 / 8:33 am

    I’m on the other end. My last child has just completed high school in the last few years. I homeschooled them. I’m lonely at times, but adjusting as the Lord leads. He is my Rock. I’m kind of “stuck” at home at this point in life. We only have one car right now that hubby needs for work. I don’t regret at all being a stay at home Mom and a Homeschool Mom. It was such a blessing!! It’s different being on this side of things. I’m still trying to push out the thoughts that I wish my kids were young again because if they were I would have their growing up years ahead of me and not behind. It’s an adjustment, but when I keep my focus on the Lord it is the biggest help.

    • inezbayardo March 25, 2016 / 11:59 am

      This is exactly why I never say “I can’t wait until…” when it comes to my son. I know he will be big and gone before I know it. And I will be faced with another adjustment. Being the youngest in my family, I got to witness my mom start going through the empty nest. Though there was still one chick left! She used to sleep in my brother’s bed which, as a teenager, I thought was weird but now I get it. You spend a huge part of your life giving everything to these people and then they leave you! It’s got to be hard. But, I’ve also watched my parents step into the joy of having adult children. To me, they seem happier than ever. I hear being a grandparent is even better. 🙂 I will keep you in prayer as you go through this time of adjusting!

  2. Mihaela Echols March 25, 2016 / 10:48 am

    Isn’t it it crazy how exciting things can also bring out sad things too. Adjusting is always hard.

    • inezbayardo March 25, 2016 / 12:00 pm

      Yes, it is kind of crazy. But such is life, I guess. There’s always something exciting and something a little unnerving… and sometimes it’s the same thing!

  3. Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard March 25, 2016 / 12:13 pm

    My husband left for a month a week after my daughter was born for military training, then was home a month and deployed for a year. Um, yeah, I was lonely. However, once I went back to work, that filled much of my need for human contact and I like my own company pretty well, so it wasn’t too bad. But it was such a blessing when friends would remember it was easier for me to be home than go out and came to me.

    • inezbayardo March 25, 2016 / 9:34 pm

      Wow. That would be hard! I love it when friends come to me. I would probably see a lot more people if they all could just come over and I didn’t have to go anywhere!

  4. Mardene Carr March 26, 2016 / 11:36 am

    The change sometimes is hard to deal with under these circumstances.

  5. De March 27, 2016 / 6:32 pm

    I remember with my first one having a hard time figuring out my new role. I remember loneliness, confusion and other things. It seems like a moment looking back now but it was a reality at one season of my life.

    • inezbayardo March 28, 2016 / 10:55 pm

      Yeah, it is an adjustment for sure. But I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  6. Nance March 28, 2016 / 2:32 am

    I totally agree with you. I have been there and I was in the mission field. So just imagine the homesickness I had being away from my motherhood during the time I wanted to see her the most. It was all by God’s grace that I have went through that tunnel of loneliness victoriously!

    • inezbayardo March 28, 2016 / 10:53 pm

      I can imagine! I was living in Hawaii when I found out I was pregnant. It was a rough time for me and all I wanted was my mom! Thanks for topping by. 🙂

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