I have really been enjoying our Real Moms Talk series this month, talking about Relationships. If you missed last week’s guest post, Relationships to Seek & Cultivate, I encourage you to check it out. Today, I have an interview on relationships that I have really been looking forward to sharing with you!
Amber Temerity from Thrifty Guardian is sharing with us her experiences and unique perspective on being a mom and navigating relationships. Amber is a married mom of two, who works full-time and manages her blog – I’d say she definitely has something to share on the subject!
Check out one of my favorites of Amber’s posts: Overrated Baby Items (And Their Thrifty Replacements)
- How have relationships changed for you since being a mom?
I’m all about my kids and I’m not sure that’s a bad thing right now. I have two children, my son who turned 2 in October and my daughter who just turned 1. I don’t have the time or energy to maintain friendships like I used to. Even my relationship with my spouse has shifted and morphed into a whole new being – not a bad one by any stretch of the imagination, but definitely different and definitely harder (at times).
- Do you find it easier or more difficult to make friends as a mom?
It’s WAY more difficult! They should have a version of OkCupid for moms only so I can chat them up before committing to a play date. Sure, I can chit-chat at the park while our kids take turns pushing each other on the swings but uh…then what? Do I ask for your phone number? Tell you to hit me up on Facebook? Awkward.
- Have you ever experienced loneliness as a mom?
Oh yes. Things are so insanely non-stop that when I do have a second to come up for air, I look around and often hear crickets. With no time to maintain more than a handful of relationships, I don’t expect others to be available at the same times I am but the loneliness can still sting at times. It’s an odd conundrum – on one hand, I can’t go to the bathroom without little fingers wiggling beneath the door but on the other hand, I sometimes get so lost within my own mind that I have to throw up a mental flare and hope someone pulls me out.
- What challenges have you faced in relationships?
I would say the biggest challenge has been my relationship with my significant other. Maintaining a relationship within our partnership has been a struggle, but I think we’re doing fairly well. I remember when we were leaving the hospital after I had my daughter, our nurse turned to us and said “Now the hard part starts. Be nice to each other!” We had no idea just how hard life with two under two would be but we’re coming out the other side and we’re still just as strong (if not stronger!) than ever.
- In what ways are your relationships better?
When I feel negative towards someone – a friend, stranger, or otherwise – I remind myself that s/he is someone’s child; it helps me center myself and keep my cool. Putting my child in someone else’s shoes helps me act better towards everyone and helps strengthen all of my relationships.
- Is there anything you do to purposely invest in relationships? (i.e. date night, girl’s night out, etc.)
At this time, no. My partner and I try to visit with my best friend and her husband whenever possible, but we’ve yet to do much beyond that. I’m not yet comfortable with the thought of leaving both my babies with someone nor would I want to leave my partner to go have fun without him, so for now, we enjoy our time at home.
- What is the best advice you have for another mom regarding relationships? (can be specific advice about specific relationship or in general)
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You need to first focus on yourself, then your children and your partner, then all others. Your true friends will still be around when you come out of the infant phase (smelling of curdled milk and unwashed hair) and they will love you all the more for it.
Join the conversation! In what ways are your relationships better since becoming a mom?