From the time I was very young, I wanted to be a mom. A mini van driving, school lunch making, band-aid carrying, soccer mom.
I wanted lots and lots of kids.
I wanted to be the “cool mom”. I wanted our house to be the place that everyone wanted to hang out at. I wanted to make healthy snacks after school and dinner every night.
I was certain I’d rock at motherhood.
But after years of waiting for “Mr. Right” to help me start filling up my mini van, I gave up hope.
As I was entering my mid-thirties, I was certain my eggs were all gone, or mostly gone, and that the ones left were probably rotten. (In case you’re wondering, those kind of eggs don’t rot. I checked!)
I finally decided that I would be lucky if I got one baby.
So, how did I go from getting googly eyed over every baby I saw to not even being able to look at one without crying?
It’s amazing to me how quickly I forgot that deep desire I had for a baby, all because the circumstances weren’t “right”.
But it’s easy to lose sight of your blessings when you are in crisis mode.
When I was about seven months pregnant I started a 9 week training to become a peer counselor at the local pregnancy center.
This was a healing experience for me. Although, some of the exercises were extremely difficult and, at times, I was fighting back tears I was able to process and better understand my feelings and responses at the time I found out I was pregnant.
Not only that, but I was better able to understand my son’s, father’s responses.
This course helped me to forgive the both of us. Not only was I angry with myself for my actions that got me to this position in the first place but I was upset with myself for some of the thoughts I had at the beginning of my pregnancy. Like not being excited.
I had to forgive myself.
As I learned more about crisis pregnancy and about how to help women facing them, I realized I was going through a natural process toward resolution .
I also learned that I wasn’t alone. Though, the women around the table I sat at week after week were not aware of my situation, I learned that many of them had faced this particular crisis themselves.
Many women have walked this path. Maybe you are one. Many are currently walking this path. You probably know one and, perhaps, are unaware.
One of the biggest lies that we can believe in a time of crisis is that we are alone.
Although, I knew I was by far not “the only one”, it took this training and volunteering at the center to help me truly grasp that truth.
Helping others has a way of opening our eyes and shifting our perspective.
Sometimes getting outside of ourselves, even in the midst of our own trial, is the best way to heal.