Coming to a place of fully embracing my pregnancy was a slow process but there was a definite turning point where I guess you could say I was “all in”.
It was the day that it really sunk in that I was having a baby. I could actually visualize it.
And I was happy.
I will never forget the day I found out I was having a baby boy.
I had just started feeling some movement from the baby, which at first felt weird but, still, it was pretty amazing. The baby wasn’t quite big enough for me to feel consistent movement or even kicks but I did have this feeling that made me think he was flipping over.
It was a similar to that feeling you get in your stomach when you go on a roller coaster with a big dip. And it only happened after I ate.
The day I went in to have my ultrasound, which happened to one day before moving back to California, the doctor asked me if I had felt any movements yet. I told him about the “flips” and he said “maybe”. Well, his lips said “maybe” but his face said, “you’re crazy lady”.
Several minutes into the ultrasound, the doctor announced that the baby wasn’t on the right side to see the sex. He continued to look around and then said “we may not be able to tell today”.
I was pretty disappointed.
He decided to lower me to see if he could get the baby to move.
There’s that feeling.
The baby had flipped over! After a couple more minutes, I see “It’s a boy” pop up on the screen.
I gasped and said, “I knew it”. My eyes filled up with tears.
My son’s father and I were meeting for dinner that night. I had planned on telling him then the sex of our baby but I couldn’t wait. I texted him immediately after leaving my appointment.
I called my mom, texted my siblings and my dad, called one of my best friends… this was the most excitement and anticipation I had felt up until this point in my pregnancy.
That night at dinner, we tossed some boy names around.
I already knew what I wanted to name him but his dad had different ideas. The decision wasn’t made that night but we eventually came to an agreement.
And I got Malachi which means “messenger”. At almost 5 months old, this sweet boy has already been a messenger.
Each and every day he reminds me of the message of hope, joy and grace.
He is my angel.
After all, angels are messengers.