I believe I’ve mentioned before that I’m an avid googler. More specifically, I’m an avid health related questions googler. It’s a horrible habit that generally lands me on WebMD where I am almost always informed that I am dying.
Due to my “is this normal” obsession, it should come as no surprise that after finding out I was pregnant I signed up for not one, not two, but seven pregnancy apps. Yes, seven.
I eventually narrowed it down to two. Ok, fine, three. But I really only referred to two of them often.
In some ways it was probably a good thing that I had so many apps to read. It occupied my time and my thoughts when I had down time. Otherwise, down time was not my friend.
I often compared the information on each app and, of course, Googled whenever I found a discrepancy. I rather enjoyed reading these apps. Usually.
There was one particular day that I was reading the information for that day and it said “This One’s for Dad”. I don’t know why I even read it, but I did. I don’t really remember what it was about but I do remember this – I cried.
After that every once in awhile another reading specifically for the “partner” would show up in one of those apps and every single time, I cried.
A great deal of information regarding pregnancy references a spouse, partner, significant other… the dad. Whether it’s sleeping, heartburn, cravings, hormones – you name it – the “dad” somehow manages to work his way in with a mention!
Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. I absolutely believe that pregnancy is a beautiful miracle that is meant to be shared by the proud parents-to-be.
Unfortunately, sometimes the circumstances surrounding a pregnancy are a little messy and half of the parental equation is missing.
The constant reminder of that fact can be heartbreaking.
At least it was for me. Even though I had gone my entire pregnancy without a partner and it was my “normal”, I knew it wasn’t actually normal.
It wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
And it made me sad.
It still makes me sad.
Just thinking about the day that I went on my hospital brings tears to my eyes. The harsh reality that I had no “partner” set in as I looked around at the room, where I would soon be laboring. The truth that I would soon be holding my beautiful baby for the first time and the person that I created him with would not be there was almost too much to take.
I tried to act nonchalant when they asked about “dad” but inside my heart was breaking.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I can still feel that pain. I feel it sometimes when I look at my son and am reminded that something is missing. He may not know it but I know it.
And it makes me sad.
So, what do you do when things don’t turn out the way they were “supposed” to? When things just aren’t “right”?
It sounds so simple but there’s not much else you can do but to do your best. Do everything you can to make the most of the situation and allow God to do the rest.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this experience, it is that it doesn’t matter how bad a situation may feel, God can always make it good. Even better than good!
It may not be the way He originally intended but He always has the power to restore and redeem any situation.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of us allowing Him to do it.