As of this week, my little man is officially one month old (sigh). I can’t believe it’s gone by so fast. Well, sort of. In some ways it feels like time has stood still or like I’ve replaced Bill Murray in that movie Groundhog Day.
In honor of our first of many milestones, I thought it would be fun to write a summary of my first month as a mom in a little post I’m calling, Random Bullet Points on My first Month of Motherhood… because I have no idea what’s going to come out when I start writing but I do know that I will use bullet points (like the good little blogger that I am).
Ok, so here we go:
- I can’t stop staring. You know how you get that feeling that someone’s looking at you so you turn your head and sure enough someone’s looking? I don’t think babies have that feeling. I mean, they can’t, otherwise they’d never sleep a wink. Or at least my baby wouldn’t. I’m always staring. Even when he’s napping, I either stare while he’s in my arms or I stare at the screen on the monitor.
- I can’t stop saying I love him. I either tell him or someone else about 500 million times a day. I can’t help it. I just love him so much!
- Also, he’s so cute. Like seriously. So cute.
- I’m tired is an understatement. I’m not tired, I’m exhausted. At times, delusional.
- My thirst is unquenchable. I think I did a pretty good job of staying hydrated throughout my pregnancy. In mean, I don’t like to brag but I was complimented on my urine sample more than once. Also, during labor my friend and Doula had me drink water after every contraction in order to stay hydrated. The nurses were kind about it but I think they secretly cursed me on their trips to get me more water. Why else would my labor have lasted four days? I jest. But my postpartum thirst is no joke. I think I have officially drank California out of water. I have to have water with me at all times, especially when I nurse.
- A hormonal, sleep deprived mommy equals an insecure mommy. I remember one night in particular, just a few days after delivery. The baby was having trouble with his latch. Which, apparently, was a major blow to my self-esteem. I broke down in tears saying, “he doesn’t want me”. Also, the other day my mom asked me how my day was and I burst into tears because “he doesn’t like me”.
- I’m learning to laugh at myself and life more than ever. I think I’ve always had a fairly good sense of humor but I’m learning more and more that sometimes all you can do is laugh, like when you burst into tears because a one month old doesn’t like you. Or when your baby poops on your leg then minutes later pees on his head.
- Sometimes I look over my shoulder for the “mommy”. As natural as it feels to be my son’s mom, I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m a “mommy”. It occasionally catches me off guard to hear someone refer to me as “mommy”. It’s the strangest thing to explain. It feels right, yet, it’s still surreal.
I think I will wrap up my summary of random thoughts with something a friend told me a few months ago regarding motherhood. She said, “It’s the hardest job you’ll ever love”. I can already see that she was right. It’s not always easy to care for this little life that literally relies on me for everything but there is nothing else I’d rather do. There’s nothing else I’d rather be than Malachi’s mommy.