I will never forget a conversation I once had with an old roommate. Somehow we got on the subject of whether or not people liked us.
She said, “I have no idea if they like me. I just assume everyone does.”
And why wouldn’t they?
If you knew her you would know that she is, indeed, very likable.
Something I’ve come to realize over my time spent on this earth is that human beings are really insecure. We tend to worry about what others think of us far too much!
As a result of our insecurities we do things like become defensive or build up walls that no one can break through or that demand other people’s respect.
Ironically, our insecurities make us far less likable.
Here are three qualities of insecure people. Most of which, I learned from my own struggle with insecurity!
- Insecure people aren’t generally very happy people. Comparing yourself to others is exhausting and it’s hard to be truly happy when you’re exhausted – it sucks the life out of you.
- Insecure people are often too busy to develop meaningful relationships. This is one I know all too well! The insecure person’s calendar can quickly fill up with “noble” causes, yet substance in interpersonal relationships is commonly lacking. When it comes down to spending quality time with others, the insecure are just too busy. Insecurity can be awfully lonely!
- Insecure people rarely reveal their true selves. Often times, the insecure person will come across as “having it all together”. After all, it takes confidence to let people know your flaws and failings. What if they don’t like me? That question drives the insecure person to put her best foot forward, at all times. The problem with that is 1) we’re drawn to people that are flawed, people that understand us – people that are human and 2) it’s only a matter of time before the jig is up.
If you want to be liked be confident in who you are, be real… be you!
Confidence is attractive.