It’s Not Me, It’s You

We’ve all heard it whether on a movie, in a book or perhaps in our own personal romantic saga.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

The infamous break up line that is almost entirely false and only said to alleviate the other person of “pain” or simply just to avoid a confrontation.

But what’s wrong with confrontation?

Why are we so afraid to talk about the “issue”… even if the issue is “you”?

Most often in relationships, the “issue” is a two way street. (And when I say “relationship” I am referring to interpersonal relationships in general, not just romantic ones.)

Once in awhile, I think what we could actually say is, “it’s not me, it’s you.”

Now, I’m not necessarily suggesting that you say that to someone but sometimes I think it would do us some good to do so at least mentally – to at least relieve ourselves of the anxiety and headache of trying to win someone over who just can’t be won.

I have known people in my life that just plain and simple do not like me. (Shocking, I know.)

For years, I used to let that one person (sometimes two… or three) get to me. It would eat at me. I had to figure out why they didn’t like me.

There are actually plenty of reasons for people not to like me. I’m loud. Sometimes a little too “chipper” (that’s my nice way of saying hyper). I’m silly. I’m opinionated.  I’m direct. I’m confident. These attributes really bother some people

There was a season of my life when I tried really hard not to laugh so loud. I tried to be more serious rather than fun and silly. I tried not to have opinions or care about things that other people would think was “weird” (like when I saw “Free Willy” and wanted to  go on a mission to save the whales!).

But in all of my efforts to change myself so that people would like me, I realized something. They still didn’t like me. Perhaps not the same people but someone else.  I had to face a harsh reality – not everyone will like me.

But I’m so likable.

To some, sure, but to others I am the equivalent of scratching nails on a chalkboard.

And do you know what? I’m ok with that.

I mean, of course, I’d like to be liked and I certainly don’t want to annoy people with my mere existence but even more than that, I want to be me.

We are all different. This is the wonderful thing about humanity. If everyone was loud and hyper the world would be a chaotic place. Likewise, if everyone were quiet and reserved it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

I know now that the things that make me uniquely me are wonderful additions to this world, as are the things that make you uniquely you.

When we can’t embrace each other’s differences we miss out on so much. Our lives can be so wonderfully enriched by people that are different from us. Some of the greatest influencers in my life are also the most opposite of my personality and way of thinking. We are made differently for a reason. Our differences balance each other out and help each other become better.

As for the people that can’t accept that, I feel sorry for them. They are missing out on seeing how people that are “different” can enrich their lives in a beautiful way.

So, I’ve learned not to let my “haters” get to me. I simply shrug it off and say…

“It’s not me, it’s you.”

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